do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
