I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
