i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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