Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
