dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
