It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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