Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
