Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
