Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
