He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
