so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her vagine was all disorganized.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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