I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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