Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
