R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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