when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
