can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
