WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
