I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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