No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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