My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
