I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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