we have pet lesbian snakes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
