sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
