My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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