what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
