Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
