My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize