the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
