i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
