before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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