the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
