WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
