Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
