he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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