You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
