You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
