Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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