I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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