I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
