you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
