p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
