i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
