I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
