Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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