If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
