I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
