the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
