Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think your dad took our porno
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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