Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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