I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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