I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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