do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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