I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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