what day is it and did you see me today?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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