If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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