I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found puke in my bra..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
