dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
