It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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