Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
