What did we do last night that was yellow?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
