Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
