BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
