I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize