this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
