So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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