i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
