...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize