How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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