I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
