Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize