so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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