are you still at the devil's house?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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