we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
