I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
