Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
