Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
