Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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