maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
3 2 1 whiskey
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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