happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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