she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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