____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Randomize
